Ill Fitting Shoes....

Ill fitting shoes may look great but it won't be long before you won't be able to deny the wince and hobble in your step. Never mind the tender ministrations with sweet smelling unguents in the privacy of your room. The scars that form from this kind of self inflicted torture are hard to loose.

The worst is that the torture is self-inflicted, the result of an aching chasm within yourself; hurrying you on to a hell of aching scarred and bunyaned feet - so what if they are a bit tight in the toes (I know I'm a size 37 but they haven't got my size!) and so what if the strap tends to bite a little, it'll stretch - hey shoes do stretch! And so so what if the rivets on the inside scrape up against your foot they look so fancy! Oh come on you gotta suffer to look good ! What's that famous line in Little Women? Better to be elegant than die?? And so you find women all over the world suffering from burnt curls and eyelashes just as much as ill fitting shoes.

Don't tell me you think you're the only one! Look at that pretty girl who just got on the Tube who looks like she was born in those gorgeous shoes. Don't tell me she's not wincing. But she does look so good. And look at the way she leans in to her partner. The way they kiss. They look so perfect together. They have that much coverted aura of a couple that "belong to each other" (hey it's 10am on a Thursday morning don't these people work??)

What!! You think you are the only one who ends up in relationships where the big "L" word and "M" words are taboo? You think you are the only one? Oh please! Enough of the victim act - you know it's quite stale!

Hey! Hold on now no need to start crying! And please no ! For god's sake don't buy another pair of ill-fitting shoes! That's like adding another digit to your infamously huge magic number!

Heartscape

Hers is the milestoned landscape;
in the garden of her life,
each new mile a cornerstone;
and all the others
just pebbles on which
she stubbed her toes
in her
journeying

Lying staring up
from her bed
she thinks
you could easily hang yourself
on a rafter like that...

20th June '06 (8.53pm)

You Hold My Hand..

Reassuring strength
gently clasping
mine.
But does not drag
or squeeze.
Like the precious metal
hard
that holds aloft to beauty
the gem
So You make me feel.
........I love the way
You
hold my hand..

7th Sept. '06 (10.32pm)

Cold Tea

My World in You I see
as You lie there clutching
my heart carelessly,
sipping tea...
You my Love, mean the
World to me !

Then,
a door bangs - startled,
You choke - midsip, and
cough, spewing tea.
And as I rise to calm your
racked chest, I see
a coin out-of-pocket
tumble and in it your
fraility !
Suddenly you are a boy to me..
and My tea grows cold
03th June '02 (6.05am)

Lying Awake

In the unpeopled still quiet
I am
Lying awake, waiting...
Waiting for the come of morn

Darkness cracks
as light spills in on me,
Life...
Bringing with it
Dawning tempo

One by one,
all around me
the World awakes
Springing up all around me
And I am still lying awake...
Waiting.
03rd June '02 (5.45am)

Verse

Stranded on opposite shores,
I glimpse you through the foliage,
Over the turbulence, the brimming tide.
I wait for it to subside
to explore the gravelly collness_
dive into the crystal clearness_
Will you swim with me ?


Lounging in filtered sun,
Smoking Gudang and daring truth;
Scraps of songs sung speaking volumes
- words we dare not say
as we recollect shooting stars and
nights Flying High
on you.....
Can I see you sometime ?

10th Dec '01

Monday Mornings

We the World,
Live in each one's own world,
in another world;
As leaders instigate Man against
Man - Human sacrifice to appease
Man's Gods;
And chaos supreme
Brings Fall in Spring.

But civilization grinds on, evolving
Economies for it's El Dorado;
for Existence can't be escaped in
this World and
Monday mornings go rushing by....

20th August '01 (11.20am)

Death in the Family

Amputated unit
boasting blackest void
like missing teeth in a smile,
ladles dire despair at
a simple Dining-table, where
scattered habits remain _
mocking togetherness, as
the Empty Chair, unoccupied stands,
Stifling life in survivors, left
to pick up the remains of
life,
to exist _
Bereaved.

17th Feb '01 (3.40pm)

Landscape

Sarong clad villages exuding vulgar virility
Backdrop mountains towering, imposing, majesty
Courting milk-white-splash birds
rising out from mud-mired paddy fields
screaming obscenities at lumbering bulls
tramping the land into fertility.

Rivulets trundle on, nourishing,
feeding the masses unto senility
Overlooked by searing sun's relentless glare.
Bees humming over fecund fare,
drowse, drooping, bringing lulls
to peculiarly savage humanity.

Ren-ants, trees tight-rope-walking,
crushed yeild tangy acidity mingled with
fruit-encumbered trees that scented lean,
scorning traditions absurd rigidity.
Bizarre-berserk two combine
Kith, kin and kine

4th Jan '01 (11.55pm)

The "L" Word

Much to-do about nothing ? Sometimes that's how I feel about the big old "L" word. The build up to saying it is excruciating ! How soon should one say it ? Is there a right time to say it ? Is the saying of it dependant on another's saying it first ? What happens if it's not said back to the sayer ? Can things get jinxed if it's said ? What happens after it is said ?

So in the end I'm thinking - this hyped up "L" word is really not all that it is made out to be ! Or is it ? Do we use it for want of a better word to describe that magnanimous feeling, that wells up in that area which we would like to call our "heart" ? Or does it cary more weight than a pretty Hallmark Card ? How would we know if the feeling is dependant on the so many "Who-What-When-Where-Why and Hows" expressed above ?

I personally feel that should you ever be so fortunate as to feel that "heart-wrenching" "soul-overflowing" feeling on account of another human being, you should definitely go ahead and let fly the "L" word. After all, it's not everyday that someone makes you feel it right ? So isn't it only fair that the benefactor should be rewarded ? - Even if it's only by this big hyped up "L" word ?

And My Eyes Begin To Sting..

Sometimes, every so often in our timorous lives, we hope that facing our worst fears is best. And so we ditch the pretty little rose colored glasses that we feel so comfortable in and jump !

Out in to the unknown. The unknown of another's emotions. Their sentiments.

I've never heard a brave and valiant tale where the dragon was concurred and they lived happily ever after. I guess that's because no one thought the experience one of bravado, worthy of being shouted about from roof tops. Or I'm sure I'd have heard.

So. That's of course the only reason I leapt. Peppy rose-tined glasses neatly tucked into my pocket and wham !!!!

I awake to the sensation of burning flesh and charred sensitivities. The parachute of good sense (or self-preservation at the very least) did not prevail.

After quickly checking to see that there are no witnesses to my "embarexperience" I quickly walk away from the scene. And my eyes begin to sting...

That Day

One day, someone's mother died. And on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of her bedroom, the daughter was stuck with pain of learning that sometimes, there isn't any more. No more hugs, no more lucky moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more "just one minute" Sometimes. what we care about the most goes away never to return. And then all those things we never had the courage to say hang in the air. Like "I'm Sorry", "I never doubted you", "I'm so proud of you" or "I love being with you". So while we have them, it's best we love them and care for them and fix it when it's broken. This is true not only of marriages and friendships, but of children with bad report cards, and dogs with bad hips and parents who don't seem to understand you or siblings who stress you out. Sometimes we do keep things - like a best friend who moved away, or a classmate we grew up with. There are just some things that make us happy. But no matter what, all people we come across in life are important. They make us who we are so we have to keep them close. Cherish them while we can.

The Sponge Theory

It's weird but I keep thinking of a certain conversation between Nikhil and Shanti that I was privy to and he was telling her it was weird how she was having second thoughts about texting a certain guy (who incidentally was her object of interest for the very reason that she felt she could chat to him about anything at anytime). And I'm sitting there thinking to myself - this is such a classic phenomenon that we all go through.

We are so enamoured by one or the other person we meet for this that or the other reason and then we want to hold on to that awesome feeling of camaraderie and "soulmateship" that we start walking around on eggshells around that person.

And then things begin to sour from the effort and then the accusation of "I feel I have to watch everything I say around you" is thrown around and the soulmates decide their souls aren't that "matish" after all so they decide to part ways. Never mind that inside they are starved of that beautiful experience which they were lucky enough to feel because of all that they were to each other. Isn't it funny !

That's why I am determined to live my life like a Sponge and absorb all the driftwood, flotsam and jetsam that's sent my way by life's sea. And I was at a loss for words to express it till I came across this little verse by Anais Nin which goes like this :

"Each friend represents a world in us,

a world possibly not bornuntill they arrive,

and it is only by this meeting

that a new world is born"

So here's to happy sponging !